We've all done it....
We've all second-guessed, doubted, re-started, questioned, and put off things we think we want to do because we're INTERNALLY JUDGING our work before we've even begun.
BUT... if we never get down and dirty with our work, we've never really started.
Whether it's losing weight, getting a new job, asking that cute neighbor out for a date, or finally balancing our bank accounts, the REAL WORK only begins after the heart palpitations and sweat turns into the gritty push forward.
You have to move INTO the pain and fear in order to get to the place where you are actually moving forward and using every bit of that adrenaline and kinetic energy to propel you.
While some people might appear to do EVERYTHING RIGHT the first time, the truth is that you didn't see them experience the same fearful wide eyed and stomach churning nervous reaction that you are feeling. All you saw was their propulsion forward, in that moment.
It's also possible you didn't see them FAIL because you were so awed by their explosive forward momentum - but, rest assured, they likely saw more failure in what they did because it always looks worse from the inside, out.
We also all know, you can't get GOOD at something without practice; and you can't practice if you never start!
So, GET OUT THERE and just. push. through.
Even if you have NO IDEA what you are doing, but you have a goal in mind, just plant your feet in that direction, take a deep breath, and start running!
<3 ~Jonni Khat
Education and Inspiration for Mind, Body, and Spirit change!
Thursday, November 29, 2018
Wednesday, October 24, 2018
How to Find Real Healthcare Help, and How to Spot a Scam - Part 1
I am writing this not only as a mental and physical health Professional but also as someone who has been "duped" by others in the field who profess to be in the business of helping me get healthier - yet, who have taken my money and done nothing for me.
As a Pro, I think it's important to uncover the scammers and alert the public so that people begin to separate the reality of people who are genuinely there to help you reach your change goals, but also to keep the integrity of our business and trust solid.
As a consumer, I think it's even more important to share personal stories of those who have knowingly, or through ignorance of a lack of education and experience, actually harmed others rather than healing them.
I am going to start this by telling you all that the backbone of my own physical and mental health business isn't the degrees I have, the certifications I have obtained, or the years experience I have with clients. It's not even in the numbers of clients I tell you I have, or the testimonials and photos I share with you on my website. The core of my business is the relationships I build with my clients - and that relationship doesn't start with my past business... it begins, and ends, with YOU.
While I am not discounting education and experience - I am an Evidence-based Clinician, which means that I use both my own and client experience, peer-reviewed science, and spend my own money and time to keep up with the latest science and techniques for change. What I am saying is that those are not the things that are the most important when you are working with REAL PEOPLE.
Real people need real Professionals. They need people who will USE all that education and experience, personal and anecdotal, to shape the treatment, direction, and planning for success. It means we listen, get to know YOU, and shape a plan that will fit your lifestyle, age, goals, support, and commitment.
My first advice? Listen to them to make sure that they are listening to you, MORE! If you feel as though they are doing more talking than you are (or none at all, like an online lead funnel for clients that pay before you talk to a live person... RUN AWAY!!!!)
Second, ask LOTS of questions, and don't be afraid to take time to think about what they respond with, and then ask MORE questions... (being mindful that there's no way you are going to pick their brain of ALL their knowledge, even in a few hours of off and on QnA before you commit to signing on with them - and if they make you feel like that, RUN AWAY!!!!).
Third, if their immediate response is to hook you up with the "latest and greatest" plan that isn't bespoked or tailored to YOU as an individual... you got it - RUN AWAY! It's not that there aren't good programs that can fit many different people but if you get a generic "this fits YOU, Pickachu" sort of one size fits all (even if it's marketed to a "type" or "group") and you don't feel as though they really know you well from an hour or more of QnA back and forth, they are probably out to get your easy money and likely aren't qualified to help you.
Remember, there are a lot of people out there in our age of tech and social media, who are looking to make a buck and have no desire to help you change. Some of them even look shinier than Nigerian Lawyers with an inheritance to get you connected with... if you will only give them access to your bank account.
Just because it looks scientific, or fancy, or like it has a million followers... doesn't mean it's legit! First step to change is connecting with people with education and experience, but it's also getting with Professionals who want YOU to succeed, because they take time to get to know YOU - and not your non-refundable cash deposit in THEIR bank account.
<3 ~ Jonni Khat
As a Pro, I think it's important to uncover the scammers and alert the public so that people begin to separate the reality of people who are genuinely there to help you reach your change goals, but also to keep the integrity of our business and trust solid.
As a consumer, I think it's even more important to share personal stories of those who have knowingly, or through ignorance of a lack of education and experience, actually harmed others rather than healing them.
I am going to start this by telling you all that the backbone of my own physical and mental health business isn't the degrees I have, the certifications I have obtained, or the years experience I have with clients. It's not even in the numbers of clients I tell you I have, or the testimonials and photos I share with you on my website. The core of my business is the relationships I build with my clients - and that relationship doesn't start with my past business... it begins, and ends, with YOU.
While I am not discounting education and experience - I am an Evidence-based Clinician, which means that I use both my own and client experience, peer-reviewed science, and spend my own money and time to keep up with the latest science and techniques for change. What I am saying is that those are not the things that are the most important when you are working with REAL PEOPLE.
Real people need real Professionals. They need people who will USE all that education and experience, personal and anecdotal, to shape the treatment, direction, and planning for success. It means we listen, get to know YOU, and shape a plan that will fit your lifestyle, age, goals, support, and commitment.
My first advice? Listen to them to make sure that they are listening to you, MORE! If you feel as though they are doing more talking than you are (or none at all, like an online lead funnel for clients that pay before you talk to a live person... RUN AWAY!!!!)
Second, ask LOTS of questions, and don't be afraid to take time to think about what they respond with, and then ask MORE questions... (being mindful that there's no way you are going to pick their brain of ALL their knowledge, even in a few hours of off and on QnA before you commit to signing on with them - and if they make you feel like that, RUN AWAY!!!!).
Third, if their immediate response is to hook you up with the "latest and greatest" plan that isn't bespoked or tailored to YOU as an individual... you got it - RUN AWAY! It's not that there aren't good programs that can fit many different people but if you get a generic "this fits YOU, Pickachu" sort of one size fits all (even if it's marketed to a "type" or "group") and you don't feel as though they really know you well from an hour or more of QnA back and forth, they are probably out to get your easy money and likely aren't qualified to help you.
Remember, there are a lot of people out there in our age of tech and social media, who are looking to make a buck and have no desire to help you change. Some of them even look shinier than Nigerian Lawyers with an inheritance to get you connected with... if you will only give them access to your bank account.
Just because it looks scientific, or fancy, or like it has a million followers... doesn't mean it's legit! First step to change is connecting with people with education and experience, but it's also getting with Professionals who want YOU to succeed, because they take time to get to know YOU - and not your non-refundable cash deposit in THEIR bank account.
<3 ~ Jonni Khat
Saturday, October 13, 2018
Why People Are Not Listening to You
"Why aren't my students listening to me?!!"
As a young Teacher, straight out of school, I was barely older than the students I was teaching. I was armed with a Bachelor in English Lit/Comp and a pre-Law minor with grad credit, and at that time, a post-baccalaureate teaching certification (which was half of a Masters). So... I was super educated (and continued to get hyper-educated over the next 20 years) - but was completely unprepared to deal with actual human beings.
What took me nearly 20 years to figure out was that I had no idea why they weren't listening to me because I was spending all my time trying to tell them everything I knew (which was just a sign that I was excited about sharing what I knew), but I wasn't listening to what they wanted to know.
Fast forward to me now and I have a Masters in Psych and several certifications in education, fitness, nutrition, and mental health... and 3 teenagers of my own, and am back in the classroom with teenagers. What I have learned is that relationships are the cornerstone of my life.
FIRST RULE: You can't talk to someone who has no buy-in to your message. If they don't care about botany or stamps, they won't care how much you know.
SECOND RULE: People will buy-in when they get how your message will help them reach their goals. Maybe your knowledge intimidates them, or they think you will judge them.
THIRD RULE: If you really want to make a difference, you need to get to know people and create relationships with them. This means you need to ASK them what they like, get to know what they WANT to know, and then figure out if your skill set can help them GET there.
While I don't regret all my education and experience, none of it will help me as much as the simple rules of building relationships and creating a buy-in with students and clients that will help us both reach our goals of being awesome.
<3, Jonni Khat
As a young Teacher, straight out of school, I was barely older than the students I was teaching. I was armed with a Bachelor in English Lit/Comp and a pre-Law minor with grad credit, and at that time, a post-baccalaureate teaching certification (which was half of a Masters). So... I was super educated (and continued to get hyper-educated over the next 20 years) - but was completely unprepared to deal with actual human beings.
What took me nearly 20 years to figure out was that I had no idea why they weren't listening to me because I was spending all my time trying to tell them everything I knew (which was just a sign that I was excited about sharing what I knew), but I wasn't listening to what they wanted to know.
Fast forward to me now and I have a Masters in Psych and several certifications in education, fitness, nutrition, and mental health... and 3 teenagers of my own, and am back in the classroom with teenagers. What I have learned is that relationships are the cornerstone of my life.
FIRST RULE: You can't talk to someone who has no buy-in to your message. If they don't care about botany or stamps, they won't care how much you know.
SECOND RULE: People will buy-in when they get how your message will help them reach their goals. Maybe your knowledge intimidates them, or they think you will judge them.
THIRD RULE: If you really want to make a difference, you need to get to know people and create relationships with them. This means you need to ASK them what they like, get to know what they WANT to know, and then figure out if your skill set can help them GET there.
While I don't regret all my education and experience, none of it will help me as much as the simple rules of building relationships and creating a buy-in with students and clients that will help us both reach our goals of being awesome.
<3, Jonni Khat
Women, Culture, and Voice: How The Narrative Change Begins
Women are coming into a new generation of voice in this age of social media, and change can be scary - but the old patterns of expectation are still strong. There is a deeply complex and unconscious idea that old beliefs and traditions are not only acceptable but necessary, to everyone. While social media has connected us in immediate ways of communication never before seen in the history of known mankind, it has also bolstered and empowered the unempowering and inequitable ways of the past.
As women:
For all that America is a nation of rebels and many women - and men - do actively work to help change the narrative, women are still caged in puritanical and patriarchal roots in many ways. Changing this narrative is especially difficult for those with racial and social differences for both obvious, and unconscious reasons, rooted deep within the Western "tradition" of chattel economies - and using people as a cheap resource for both labor and recreation.
One factor in this is the concept that freedom from direct enslavement automatically grants others autonomy and rights. Yet, social castigation and judgment can not only keep others enslaved on a public level, but it also reveals levels of social and potentially epigenetic* abuse and a long-standing "understanding" that American society has of what is "decent" and "proper". These concepts allow people to openly condemn others for acts which they deem impolite or an affront to their own sense of security. Being denied correct reciprocity in a business transaction, receiving a lack of empathy or compassion from family, or accusations of deceptive reports of physical and mental well-being are common in our culture - but age, gender, and social class create the hierarchy against which public opinion is measured. While this is not an absolute of gender and age, the numbers of those who are believed to be just and true in living an authentic life and being socially acceptable in their ability to confront things they believe to be wrong is unbalanced and biased.
Another factor is that social and consumer media editorializes, spins, and judges each and every image, statement, and action of our entire society. While no one is necessarily excused from this process, it also bleeds into our daily lives offline. We process and evaluate trillions of data points each day through our modern technological lenses, to be sorted out and exposed through our communication with others. No longer simply a water cooler meeting between co-workers on break, we are able to instantaneously photograph and comment on the world around us - usually without thinking too hard about how that world is shaping us, and our opinions and comments.
Becoming aware of how our past and present shapes our views and actions is an important step in changing the narrative of how each and every one of us is treated, and treats others, in our future. While our past and present can be neither positive or negative when we view them analytically - they are what shapes how we act and react to others and situations around us. Unconsciously moving in the world creates problems as we tend to replay and recommit acts against others that we'd consciously condemn or rebuke, and continue a cycle of inequity and enslavement of others without understanding how or why we're abusing them of their humanity.
Learning how to become a change warrior and an active participant in the experience of freedom which our country holds so dearly is a process, but requires a commitment to living a more actively aware and analytical life. Being mindful of the pieces of our DNA and upbringing that cause us to judge others, create action, and of the lenses we wear when we look at the world can become the new platform from which we can all see more empathy, compassion, equity, and hope - for all. Not just for women, but for everyone.
<3, Jonni Khat Santschi
* Epigenetics is the study of inheritable traits through our DNA, which we believe extends not only to physical traits but also to memory and consciousness. For more reading, check out the following links:
What is Epigenetics
A Simplified Explanation of Epigenetics
Epigenetics, The Study of Change
Video: Epigenetics (Funny, but informative from SciShow)
Video: Epigenetic Ancestral Ghosts in Your DNA (Michael Skinner, Biologist)
As women:
We are still expected to apologize for everything we (and others) think we do wrong.
We are still assumed to do most of the parental and household tasks, along with our "hobby" work outside the house.
We are still treated as sexual objects and our bodies and the judgment of them belongs to others.
We are still condemned for speaking up in public, as though raising our voice is an affront to those around us.
We are still assumed to do most of the parental and household tasks, along with our "hobby" work outside the house.
We are still treated as sexual objects and our bodies and the judgment of them belongs to others.
We are still condemned for speaking up in public, as though raising our voice is an affront to those around us.
For all that America is a nation of rebels and many women - and men - do actively work to help change the narrative, women are still caged in puritanical and patriarchal roots in many ways. Changing this narrative is especially difficult for those with racial and social differences for both obvious, and unconscious reasons, rooted deep within the Western "tradition" of chattel economies - and using people as a cheap resource for both labor and recreation.
One factor in this is the concept that freedom from direct enslavement automatically grants others autonomy and rights. Yet, social castigation and judgment can not only keep others enslaved on a public level, but it also reveals levels of social and potentially epigenetic* abuse and a long-standing "understanding" that American society has of what is "decent" and "proper". These concepts allow people to openly condemn others for acts which they deem impolite or an affront to their own sense of security. Being denied correct reciprocity in a business transaction, receiving a lack of empathy or compassion from family, or accusations of deceptive reports of physical and mental well-being are common in our culture - but age, gender, and social class create the hierarchy against which public opinion is measured. While this is not an absolute of gender and age, the numbers of those who are believed to be just and true in living an authentic life and being socially acceptable in their ability to confront things they believe to be wrong is unbalanced and biased.
Another factor is that social and consumer media editorializes, spins, and judges each and every image, statement, and action of our entire society. While no one is necessarily excused from this process, it also bleeds into our daily lives offline. We process and evaluate trillions of data points each day through our modern technological lenses, to be sorted out and exposed through our communication with others. No longer simply a water cooler meeting between co-workers on break, we are able to instantaneously photograph and comment on the world around us - usually without thinking too hard about how that world is shaping us, and our opinions and comments.
Becoming aware of how our past and present shapes our views and actions is an important step in changing the narrative of how each and every one of us is treated, and treats others, in our future. While our past and present can be neither positive or negative when we view them analytically - they are what shapes how we act and react to others and situations around us. Unconsciously moving in the world creates problems as we tend to replay and recommit acts against others that we'd consciously condemn or rebuke, and continue a cycle of inequity and enslavement of others without understanding how or why we're abusing them of their humanity.
Learning how to become a change warrior and an active participant in the experience of freedom which our country holds so dearly is a process, but requires a commitment to living a more actively aware and analytical life. Being mindful of the pieces of our DNA and upbringing that cause us to judge others, create action, and of the lenses we wear when we look at the world can become the new platform from which we can all see more empathy, compassion, equity, and hope - for all. Not just for women, but for everyone.
<3, Jonni Khat Santschi
* Epigenetics is the study of inheritable traits through our DNA, which we believe extends not only to physical traits but also to memory and consciousness. For more reading, check out the following links:
What is Epigenetics
A Simplified Explanation of Epigenetics
Epigenetics, The Study of Change
Video: Epigenetics (Funny, but informative from SciShow)
Video: Epigenetic Ancestral Ghosts in Your DNA (Michael Skinner, Biologist)
Sunday, September 23, 2018
Being Authentic: You Are In Control
Society trains us, from birth, to be slaves to others opinions.
Especially in our socially driven world, we are slaves to likes, comments, and gif emojis. Today, I was sort of thinking of this like ancient people being enslaved to their beliefs about the wild around them - a howl from wild animals, a lightening strike, or the sun rise and set were all controlled by Gods... the Viking "wyrd", or fate, being something out of our personal control. Our modern brains are still "controlled" by external input and just a simple word, look, or action by others can throw us into panic and fight, flight, or freeze mode.
Yet, we are totally in control.
You see - others opinions /can/ be important. I often ask others for critique or input on my work or things I am thinking of doing. I am open to even paying others to help me with things I feel as though I need other eyes on. However, random criticism is rarely helpful, and without context, can even hurt our feelings... and stagnate growth.
It isn't their fault, though, if we take their criticism as honest critique with love and meaning. It's our own personalization of their triggered reaction that is the problem. This doesn't absolve those who are hurting you out of their own screwed up reality... but it means you get to choose whether or not you want to keep them in your life or not. Even family sometimes fits in this category - sometimes people can't be what we want them to be in our lives and we need to make the boundaries that will help us be our best selves.
You actually have all the control, and all the free will, to act on what others say or do in your presence. Your /reaction/ to their statement or actions is all you and has nothing to do with them. No one can MAKE you *feel* any way - unless they are actively and physically abusing you - and if that's happening, PLEASE seek help to get away from them as soon as you can.
A healthy life is about surrounding ourselves with the people who make us feel amazing about our amazing selves. The awesome part is, you get to choose who those people are. The rest? Bye, Felicia!
<3, Jonni Khat
Especially in our socially driven world, we are slaves to likes, comments, and gif emojis. Today, I was sort of thinking of this like ancient people being enslaved to their beliefs about the wild around them - a howl from wild animals, a lightening strike, or the sun rise and set were all controlled by Gods... the Viking "wyrd", or fate, being something out of our personal control. Our modern brains are still "controlled" by external input and just a simple word, look, or action by others can throw us into panic and fight, flight, or freeze mode.
Yet, we are totally in control.
You see - others opinions /can/ be important. I often ask others for critique or input on my work or things I am thinking of doing. I am open to even paying others to help me with things I feel as though I need other eyes on. However, random criticism is rarely helpful, and without context, can even hurt our feelings... and stagnate growth.
It isn't their fault, though, if we take their criticism as honest critique with love and meaning. It's our own personalization of their triggered reaction that is the problem. This doesn't absolve those who are hurting you out of their own screwed up reality... but it means you get to choose whether or not you want to keep them in your life or not. Even family sometimes fits in this category - sometimes people can't be what we want them to be in our lives and we need to make the boundaries that will help us be our best selves.
You actually have all the control, and all the free will, to act on what others say or do in your presence. Your /reaction/ to their statement or actions is all you and has nothing to do with them. No one can MAKE you *feel* any way - unless they are actively and physically abusing you - and if that's happening, PLEASE seek help to get away from them as soon as you can.
A healthy life is about surrounding ourselves with the people who make us feel amazing about our amazing selves. The awesome part is, you get to choose who those people are. The rest? Bye, Felicia!
<3, Jonni Khat
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
The Truth of "Three Loves of a Lifetime": Love Starts, Within
So, there's a new iteration of an article I read years ago that talks about the "3 Loves of a Lifetime". (I posted a link to the recent article, below, for anyone interested in reading the recent re-telling of the idea.)
I remember the original article I read, years ago - because it was targeted to men. I was sitting at my high top kitchen table, re-purposed from the bar we worked at in our part time when we weren't college students or working as production assistants on films and as modeling coaches: exciting, right? I was barely 20 years old, reading it to my then (and briefly done), first Husband. The article I was reading had a bit more of a "starter marriage" feel to it, and enumerated many of the reasons why - men - in particular, would have (in this order) a childhood sweetheart, a marriageable wife (whatever that means - I guess one that their Mom chooses?), and then the "real" love of their life.
I really never thought this applied to me, but now I think about the "3"... and it makes sense, in a very different way.
I had a few boys through Jr High and High School that I had crushes on - including Christian Hosoi, Rob Lowe, and Al Jourgensen from Ministry (if you don't know how hot he was in the 80's, then you don't know Ministry) - who all sort of counted as that first stirrings of physical and mental attraction. Almost none of them were attainable, except for the few who decided I wasn't too nerdy or weird to kiss, and certainly taught me little except that I wanted to know love like my Grandparents had. Theirs was a love of joy and pleasure of being together, but I was too immature to understand why at that time. I also had an incredibly difficult home life with parents who were un-equipped to have a highly empathic daughter. I hated myself because my parents didn't understand me and by the time I entered college, I had such poor self esteem that I didn't care how thin I got due to the controlling eating disorder I have had since I was 10.
Then there was my first Husband - who was actually a re-bound from someone who was "pleasing to my Father". There you go, I guess that sums up #2, along with the fact that it would take me another 20 years to finally create the appropriate boundaries with my father that would allow me to move on in my life, emotionally. My first legal Ex was also exciting. Not only was he a DJ, but he had an in with modeling agencies and film, and living the lifestyle of creative art (and the ego boost of money and self promotion that comes with it) were highly addictive. Not that there is anything wrong with either of those things, but it was wrong for me to be doing them - with him - and what woke me up from it was having my oldest daughter. So, in a way, my #2 love was actually my daughter Sydney (and almost 10 years later, her brother and sister), who I grew up for. Granted, it took me over a decade of adult-hood to grow up (and I'm still a work in progress), but the trend of a life worth loving is long. They made me want to be a better person, and to fight all my internal demons to get there.
The romantic love of my life and man I have been married with and gone through our fair share of "stuffs" together for 17 years is definitely my Husband, Michael. We both still remember the day we met in person, vividly, and the next few years of random encounters (some, not so random) that we'd have before we finally tied the proverbial knot. It was not only unexpected, but just worked - though we've worked hard to keep it together. Make no mistake... from those first romantic glimmers of "magical love" from teenage hearts, there's a mature price people who truly want love pay in order to make things work despite a world that de-values the love it sells. Not to mention the internal thoughts and ideas of our own Personal Supreme Court Justice Leagues which are imaginarily judging everything from the things we say to the way we look. However, having Michael in my life has been the anchor I needed to help me get out of my own head long enough to continue to heal past all the self-harm.
I think? Simplifying love to "three simple things" is about as idiotic as simplifying weight loss down to pills and surgery. There's a maturity rather than a magic to this thing called love. You have to work hard to create and foster those deeply loving relationships if you want them hard enough. My romantic love is Michael, but I have so many people in my life right now who I have known, some since we were kids, and some only for a little while, who are deeply important to me in terms of our friendship and what we provide for each other. In fact, some of them are even closer than my own bio family. I love them like brothers and sisters, whether they are blood relatives, or not.
You see, sometimes we're so damaged inside that we don't believe we're worthy of that "third love"... whether it's our first, second, third, or even 50th love... it doesn't matter. What's important isn't the external, but the internal realization that we're worthy of love and that others are equally worthy of being loved by us. The real work is the work to find the real you and to love that person, first, so you can be emotionally available to love others who want to love you back (in the RIGHT way!).
It's not about what others do for or "to" you, but how you use your experiences to grow from the inside out. allowing others to shape your life is like allowing that imaginary tribunal of judges to tell you how worthy you are as a human being. YOU are in charge of who you are and that is the only determination of what, who, and how you love yourself, and others.
In the words of RuPaul... "If you don't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?"
<3 ~ Jonni Khat
Here is a link to the recent article: https://kiddy.org.uk/we-only-fall-in-love-with-3-people-in-our-lifetime-each-one-for-a-specific-reason/
https://kiddy.org.uk/we-only-fall-in-love-with-3-people-in-our-lifetime-each-one-for-a-specific-reason/
I remember the original article I read, years ago - because it was targeted to men. I was sitting at my high top kitchen table, re-purposed from the bar we worked at in our part time when we weren't college students or working as production assistants on films and as modeling coaches: exciting, right? I was barely 20 years old, reading it to my then (and briefly done), first Husband. The article I was reading had a bit more of a "starter marriage" feel to it, and enumerated many of the reasons why - men - in particular, would have (in this order) a childhood sweetheart, a marriageable wife (whatever that means - I guess one that their Mom chooses?), and then the "real" love of their life.
I really never thought this applied to me, but now I think about the "3"... and it makes sense, in a very different way.
I had a few boys through Jr High and High School that I had crushes on - including Christian Hosoi, Rob Lowe, and Al Jourgensen from Ministry (if you don't know how hot he was in the 80's, then you don't know Ministry) - who all sort of counted as that first stirrings of physical and mental attraction. Almost none of them were attainable, except for the few who decided I wasn't too nerdy or weird to kiss, and certainly taught me little except that I wanted to know love like my Grandparents had. Theirs was a love of joy and pleasure of being together, but I was too immature to understand why at that time. I also had an incredibly difficult home life with parents who were un-equipped to have a highly empathic daughter. I hated myself because my parents didn't understand me and by the time I entered college, I had such poor self esteem that I didn't care how thin I got due to the controlling eating disorder I have had since I was 10.
Then there was my first Husband - who was actually a re-bound from someone who was "pleasing to my Father". There you go, I guess that sums up #2, along with the fact that it would take me another 20 years to finally create the appropriate boundaries with my father that would allow me to move on in my life, emotionally. My first legal Ex was also exciting. Not only was he a DJ, but he had an in with modeling agencies and film, and living the lifestyle of creative art (and the ego boost of money and self promotion that comes with it) were highly addictive. Not that there is anything wrong with either of those things, but it was wrong for me to be doing them - with him - and what woke me up from it was having my oldest daughter. So, in a way, my #2 love was actually my daughter Sydney (and almost 10 years later, her brother and sister), who I grew up for. Granted, it took me over a decade of adult-hood to grow up (and I'm still a work in progress), but the trend of a life worth loving is long. They made me want to be a better person, and to fight all my internal demons to get there.
The romantic love of my life and man I have been married with and gone through our fair share of "stuffs" together for 17 years is definitely my Husband, Michael. We both still remember the day we met in person, vividly, and the next few years of random encounters (some, not so random) that we'd have before we finally tied the proverbial knot. It was not only unexpected, but just worked - though we've worked hard to keep it together. Make no mistake... from those first romantic glimmers of "magical love" from teenage hearts, there's a mature price people who truly want love pay in order to make things work despite a world that de-values the love it sells. Not to mention the internal thoughts and ideas of our own Personal Supreme Court Justice Leagues which are imaginarily judging everything from the things we say to the way we look. However, having Michael in my life has been the anchor I needed to help me get out of my own head long enough to continue to heal past all the self-harm.
I think? Simplifying love to "three simple things" is about as idiotic as simplifying weight loss down to pills and surgery. There's a maturity rather than a magic to this thing called love. You have to work hard to create and foster those deeply loving relationships if you want them hard enough. My romantic love is Michael, but I have so many people in my life right now who I have known, some since we were kids, and some only for a little while, who are deeply important to me in terms of our friendship and what we provide for each other. In fact, some of them are even closer than my own bio family. I love them like brothers and sisters, whether they are blood relatives, or not.
You see, sometimes we're so damaged inside that we don't believe we're worthy of that "third love"... whether it's our first, second, third, or even 50th love... it doesn't matter. What's important isn't the external, but the internal realization that we're worthy of love and that others are equally worthy of being loved by us. The real work is the work to find the real you and to love that person, first, so you can be emotionally available to love others who want to love you back (in the RIGHT way!).
It's not about what others do for or "to" you, but how you use your experiences to grow from the inside out. allowing others to shape your life is like allowing that imaginary tribunal of judges to tell you how worthy you are as a human being. YOU are in charge of who you are and that is the only determination of what, who, and how you love yourself, and others.
In the words of RuPaul... "If you don't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?"
<3 ~ Jonni Khat
Here is a link to the recent article: https://kiddy.org.uk/we-only-fall-in-love-with-3-people-in-our-lifetime-each-one-for-a-specific-reason/
https://kiddy.org.uk/we-only-fall-in-love-with-3-people-in-our-lifetime-each-one-for-a-specific-reason/
Monday, July 9, 2018
Don't Ask for Permission: An Open Letter to Judgment
Since ancient times, people have created a mythos out of big, thinky concepts like jealousy, lust, greed, and even love. In modern times, we still live our lives around these ideas - and even though we're writing on computers, driving around in cars and planes, and (most of us) know the world is round and that a greater Universe exists outside our own little spheres of being - we still hold certain "truths" about a small world of internal judgment to be truthier than the big, wide reality.
The "truths" we tell ourselves sometimes involve what I think of as an imaginary personal judiciary. I like to think of them as a group of old-ish people in black robes with clip boards and microphones we pick (in our mind, anyway) and allow to be our own personal jury and judge on everything from our hair cuts to our ability to perform our jobs. We invite them in to inspect how well we make our beds, how we pluck our eyebrows, and how neatly we fold our towels.
What we don't want them to find is what we stuff under the bed, the thoughts going on behind the brows, or what we hid behind the towels in the closet.
Why do we do this? Well, there are a host of psychological, philosophical, and epistemological reasons - from trauma and guilt, to suffering or enlightenment, to the very existence of humanity - we tell each other, and ourselves, that we're not enough on a second by second basis. Yet, does it really matter why?
I think? The most important part of mythos is that we are trying to create some sort of concrete justification, or judgment, of things that we do, think, or are... rather than just BEING. The worst part? We assign the judgy part to some imaginary group of folks who are a mismatch of people in our lives, both real and imaginary, that we believe have some sort of authority to make us feel, think, and do things with ourselves and our lives: The Supreme Courts of Personal Judgment.
So, I am going to task you all with something, and I am going to do it as well. I want for us to write a letter to our own personal judiciaries, and I want you to share it with me here - or on Facebook (www.facebook.com/jonnikhatsantschi), so we can openly dismiss our courts and allow ourselves to become the independent and free acting people that we can be!
(I'll post my own letter, and the follow up, on Facebook.)
<3, Jonni Khat
The "truths" we tell ourselves sometimes involve what I think of as an imaginary personal judiciary. I like to think of them as a group of old-ish people in black robes with clip boards and microphones we pick (in our mind, anyway) and allow to be our own personal jury and judge on everything from our hair cuts to our ability to perform our jobs. We invite them in to inspect how well we make our beds, how we pluck our eyebrows, and how neatly we fold our towels.
What we don't want them to find is what we stuff under the bed, the thoughts going on behind the brows, or what we hid behind the towels in the closet.
Why do we do this? Well, there are a host of psychological, philosophical, and epistemological reasons - from trauma and guilt, to suffering or enlightenment, to the very existence of humanity - we tell each other, and ourselves, that we're not enough on a second by second basis. Yet, does it really matter why?
I think? The most important part of mythos is that we are trying to create some sort of concrete justification, or judgment, of things that we do, think, or are... rather than just BEING. The worst part? We assign the judgy part to some imaginary group of folks who are a mismatch of people in our lives, both real and imaginary, that we believe have some sort of authority to make us feel, think, and do things with ourselves and our lives: The Supreme Courts of Personal Judgment.
So, I am going to task you all with something, and I am going to do it as well. I want for us to write a letter to our own personal judiciaries, and I want you to share it with me here - or on Facebook (www.facebook.com/jonnikhatsantschi), so we can openly dismiss our courts and allow ourselves to become the independent and free acting people that we can be!
(I'll post my own letter, and the follow up, on Facebook.)
<3, Jonni Khat
Thursday, June 28, 2018
Do NOT Seek Success: What I Wrote to Emory University
I was asked by Emory University to write about where I am, currently, with my business.
My first inclination was to write: Being an Entrepreneur sucks, is too hard, and I ain't doing it no more... but that would be a lie.
First off, I am a not /really/ an Entrepreneur, I am a Healer. You can call me whatever else you want based on my degrees, experience, and skin in the game (and my own kids would probably laugh for days and tell you all about the times I have been "mean Mom" and totally missed the boat on healing words and sometimes actions) - but when the rubber meets the road, there it is. I went through my own hot mess of a childhood and young adulthood, found some things I know through experience and research work to get people to a better place of wholeness, and do my best to pay all that forward, despite ever being a flawed and imperfect human being who is sometimes in need of healing as well.
Secondly, I am stubborn. I crave challenges and have been known to create them even when there was nothing in my way. This is both a strength and an obvious weakness, but it means that I see adversity as something to be faced and not given in to. Sometimes this has not served me well, but most of the time things tend to work out ok - and, sometimes, they work out better than I even imagined.
Third, every time I have tried to give up on this path I am on, I have somehow been brought right back to it. Sometimes, painfully dragged, and other times surprisingly just reunited with the old road. And, I suspect, I am not alone in this phenomenon, though I deeply believe it has less to do with Divine Intervention from without - and more to do with the Divine Intervention from within. We do tend to manifest what we bring to ourselves. Not in some sort of cliched magical way, but in a very real way in which we are not only a part of the Universe, but we are microcosms of the energy that ties us all together. Ok - enough of that, for now.
This brings me back to what I DID write:
After I am done with the post grad classes I am taking, I know I need to dig deeper into understanding the financial side of my business ventures, but for now getting a solid foundation of a book and product price lists for my coaching services [has to be] enough.
My struggle has been sort of frustrating to me in the sense that I am trying to create something sort of unique in 3 very "different" markets: even though most people see the connection between education, mental health, and physical wellness, the established systems for providing these services to people are entrenched in bureaucracy, politics, and money. My audience is also split between my own cultures of women's rights, access to holistic education for adolescents, and my connection with helping military and first-responders and their families get adequate mental health care. The current paradigm says to narrow your audience, break each of the services I want to provide into scale-able (and traditional) concepts, but the traditional constructs aren't working in the way I want them to. While you can one size fit all certain programs for certain demographics, the nature of the systems themselves (mental health, education, fitness, women's health, veteran and first responder care) are broken and don't truly serve the majority of people in an individualized manner.
Now, I've been told that my scope is too large and that I am naive to think that I can solve one, let alone more than one, of these issues. I guess my connecting with Seed Spot was an attempt to get some clarity to my actual goals and to have more concrete steps I can take to scale these massive issues down to bite sized chunks. I know that taking on entire Industries sounds ridiculous to some, but we have to change the way we provide education and health services so we can decrease the growing numbers of children, in particular, who are depressed, suicidal, and homicidal. To provide a better quality of life to those who are otherwise marginalized, and to help those who have been victimized find hope and clarity - these are some of my deepest goals. I just need to find out how that's going to look outside my head.
#micdrop?
In my mind, the mic didn't drop. I actually sat there for a little bit and waited for some lightening bolt of awareness to wake me up from this sense of feeling I have of not being where I want to be and being stuck being tired, broke, and feeling farther away from my dreams than ever before. Yet, I know those are untrue and all constructs of an ego that is forever working against me when it isn't being fed with constant accolades and immediate feelings of success.
I also look at the ridiculously small tasks I have placed for myself and think, "How can you create an empire when all you are building is a room?" Yet, I know from my own experience which I used to create my own coaching programs, that you build a room so you can build a house, expand to a mansion, and eventually create your palatial, world encompassing, masterpiece of architectural glory.
You see, we see success as being this massive set of enormous goals we set for ourselves: we strive to lose 50+lbs, run marathons, land the dream job, create a perfect home life, get the luxury car, live in a mansion, walk the red carpet... because that's what we're inundated with in media, and that's what we're TOLD success *looks* like. Can you attain those things? Sure! If that's what you really want, there are ways to attain it. You just have to be willing to do the things that will get you there. Doing those things quickly also comes with more sacrifice - health, love, morals, and sometimes spiritual grace. This is not a truism, but the more we strive for an ideal of success that is not truly part of our own personal paradigms, the more we deviate from real success.
My desire to change not just one - but a few - Industries, is indeed a massive goal. And yet, it aligns with who I am; not only my education, experience, and skin in that game of life - but also with what I believe my purpose is. It's not the size of the goals that is the problem, but how you fit in to the process of reaching them. Sure, society is going to tell me my vision of success is ridiculous, and will tap into my own "group think" ideas of why they are right, because that's how we keep each other from truly succeeding. When your friends are overweight, they don't want you losing weight. When your roommate smokes, they don't want you to quit. When your family are miserable, they don't want you beating your depression. When one person is ready to change, they don't need permission from the village.
So, I will continue to work with individuals and eventually corporations, write my book(s), develop more curriculum, and learn the business aspects of entrepreneurialship that I need to monetize and grow - so that I can help chip away at the old ways of our Industries that are broken. Personally, I will also continue to live as authentically to the life that I teach others to achieve, and build relationships that will foster success in each of us. Because, success is not something we should seek - success is something we build, inside - out.
<3 ~ Jonni Khat
My first inclination was to write: Being an Entrepreneur sucks, is too hard, and I ain't doing it no more... but that would be a lie.
First off, I am a not /really/ an Entrepreneur, I am a Healer. You can call me whatever else you want based on my degrees, experience, and skin in the game (and my own kids would probably laugh for days and tell you all about the times I have been "mean Mom" and totally missed the boat on healing words and sometimes actions) - but when the rubber meets the road, there it is. I went through my own hot mess of a childhood and young adulthood, found some things I know through experience and research work to get people to a better place of wholeness, and do my best to pay all that forward, despite ever being a flawed and imperfect human being who is sometimes in need of healing as well.
Secondly, I am stubborn. I crave challenges and have been known to create them even when there was nothing in my way. This is both a strength and an obvious weakness, but it means that I see adversity as something to be faced and not given in to. Sometimes this has not served me well, but most of the time things tend to work out ok - and, sometimes, they work out better than I even imagined.
Third, every time I have tried to give up on this path I am on, I have somehow been brought right back to it. Sometimes, painfully dragged, and other times surprisingly just reunited with the old road. And, I suspect, I am not alone in this phenomenon, though I deeply believe it has less to do with Divine Intervention from without - and more to do with the Divine Intervention from within. We do tend to manifest what we bring to ourselves. Not in some sort of cliched magical way, but in a very real way in which we are not only a part of the Universe, but we are microcosms of the energy that ties us all together. Ok - enough of that, for now.
This brings me back to what I DID write:
After I am done with the post grad classes I am taking, I know I need to dig deeper into understanding the financial side of my business ventures, but for now getting a solid foundation of a book and product price lists for my coaching services [has to be] enough.
My struggle has been sort of frustrating to me in the sense that I am trying to create something sort of unique in 3 very "different" markets: even though most people see the connection between education, mental health, and physical wellness, the established systems for providing these services to people are entrenched in bureaucracy, politics, and money. My audience is also split between my own cultures of women's rights, access to holistic education for adolescents, and my connection with helping military and first-responders and their families get adequate mental health care. The current paradigm says to narrow your audience, break each of the services I want to provide into scale-able (and traditional) concepts, but the traditional constructs aren't working in the way I want them to. While you can one size fit all certain programs for certain demographics, the nature of the systems themselves (mental health, education, fitness, women's health, veteran and first responder care) are broken and don't truly serve the majority of people in an individualized manner.
Now, I've been told that my scope is too large and that I am naive to think that I can solve one, let alone more than one, of these issues. I guess my connecting with Seed Spot was an attempt to get some clarity to my actual goals and to have more concrete steps I can take to scale these massive issues down to bite sized chunks. I know that taking on entire Industries sounds ridiculous to some, but we have to change the way we provide education and health services so we can decrease the growing numbers of children, in particular, who are depressed, suicidal, and homicidal. To provide a better quality of life to those who are otherwise marginalized, and to help those who have been victimized find hope and clarity - these are some of my deepest goals. I just need to find out how that's going to look outside my head.
#micdrop?
In my mind, the mic didn't drop. I actually sat there for a little bit and waited for some lightening bolt of awareness to wake me up from this sense of feeling I have of not being where I want to be and being stuck being tired, broke, and feeling farther away from my dreams than ever before. Yet, I know those are untrue and all constructs of an ego that is forever working against me when it isn't being fed with constant accolades and immediate feelings of success.
I also look at the ridiculously small tasks I have placed for myself and think, "How can you create an empire when all you are building is a room?" Yet, I know from my own experience which I used to create my own coaching programs, that you build a room so you can build a house, expand to a mansion, and eventually create your palatial, world encompassing, masterpiece of architectural glory.
You see, we see success as being this massive set of enormous goals we set for ourselves: we strive to lose 50+lbs, run marathons, land the dream job, create a perfect home life, get the luxury car, live in a mansion, walk the red carpet... because that's what we're inundated with in media, and that's what we're TOLD success *looks* like. Can you attain those things? Sure! If that's what you really want, there are ways to attain it. You just have to be willing to do the things that will get you there. Doing those things quickly also comes with more sacrifice - health, love, morals, and sometimes spiritual grace. This is not a truism, but the more we strive for an ideal of success that is not truly part of our own personal paradigms, the more we deviate from real success.
My desire to change not just one - but a few - Industries, is indeed a massive goal. And yet, it aligns with who I am; not only my education, experience, and skin in that game of life - but also with what I believe my purpose is. It's not the size of the goals that is the problem, but how you fit in to the process of reaching them. Sure, society is going to tell me my vision of success is ridiculous, and will tap into my own "group think" ideas of why they are right, because that's how we keep each other from truly succeeding. When your friends are overweight, they don't want you losing weight. When your roommate smokes, they don't want you to quit. When your family are miserable, they don't want you beating your depression. When one person is ready to change, they don't need permission from the village.
So, I will continue to work with individuals and eventually corporations, write my book(s), develop more curriculum, and learn the business aspects of entrepreneurialship that I need to monetize and grow - so that I can help chip away at the old ways of our Industries that are broken. Personally, I will also continue to live as authentically to the life that I teach others to achieve, and build relationships that will foster success in each of us. Because, success is not something we should seek - success is something we build, inside - out.
<3 ~ Jonni Khat
Monday, June 25, 2018
Magic Change Goggles: It's not Them, it's YOU!
HOW do *You* 🤔 look back at the past, be in the now, and plan for the future?
Sooooo.... We often hear people say things like: "Looking at the past is depression", "Live in the NOW!", "Too much focus on the future is anxiety" - and we can fall into the trap of not only not looking at our past, present, and purpose with purpose - but not looking at all. TOTALLY OVERWHELMING, right?
Or... we look for, what I call, "Magic Change Goggles" we can beg, borrow, steal, or buy... to make our lives appear better, even when we're still feeling crappy behind the reflective lenses.
(That don't really do much more than make us "look" like we have our ish together - or, at the very least, make us feel like we're repping an 80's song).
Way back in 2008, at the age of 35, I hit a wall and made a promise to change EVERYTHING in my life that I was unhappy with - my weight, my relationships, my job, my nutrition, my health, my spirituality, my finances... you name it, I felt trapped in a life without satisfaction and grace. That was when I started to reach for just about EVERY pair of those (sometimes really expensive) "Magic Change Goggles" I could get my mitts on. I tried pills, programs, people, equipment, priests, mommy groups, MLMs, gym memberships, praying, starving, binging, purging, crying, therapists... and even though some of them "stuck", THEY weren't the answer. I was.
You see, not everything was broken like I thought it was. In fact, I had a lot of things that were going just fine for me in the moment, and that I needed to just give more time to allow to take seed and grow. I'd done something we like to call in the mental health biz, "catastrophizing", in which I attached everything that was happening in my life to each other, made it all "bad", and blamed it all on myself or others. Meanwhile, the "good" things in my life were all separate and random, never attributed to anything I had done directly, and transient (see the pattern?).
I also dismissed each bit of magical "help" I grabbed on to like a sinking woman in the middle of the ocean as broken if it didn't make me FEEL better, quickly. In fact, I ended up grabbing on to so many things at once that I could have drowned in the mess. It wasn't until I stopped blaming and shaming, and started naming and /doing/ that I started to see how it wasn't faulty glasses... it was how I was using them.
Honestly, I was trying to make the glasses show me progress like some horrible adaptation of Snow White's Magic Mirror has a baby with VR, when really, I just needed them to help me focus on myself.
Besides, would you really let something that looks like this tell you what you should think about yourself?
10 years later, I am pretty proud of what I have achieved: I changed my relationship with food, I learned not only how to exercise in a way that I love - but learned to teach others how to do the same, I mended fences with the relationships that are healthy and set boundaries with those that were not, we moved back to the Southwest, I founded and am growing my own business, I fostered new and old communities of professional and social friends who are amazing, we got together as a family about our financial health, and I reconnected with my spiritual self through all of it. I also intimately know each and every moment of the blood, sweat, and tears that took me to today.
Am I where I want to be after 10 years of hard work? Absolutely not! In fact, I fail EVERY DAY. I make poor food choices sometimes, I don't exercise every day I schedule it, I say and do things that hurt the people I love at times, I have TONS of doubts about my business (heck - I am doubting whether or not I should write this, whether or not people will read it, and what I am doing with my life in general - right now). Yet, I show up, every day.
I have also learned a lot about who I am and how I think about myself. I view work and time differently than I did when I was younger. I appreciate the value of my hard work more, and understand it will usually take more time than I anticipate to get the results I want. My "Magic Change Goggles" don't change me from outside in, but they change how I look at the world from inside out.
So, don't be afraid to slap on those shades... but remember that they won't "fix" you - they can only help you see yourself - and the world - in a new way.
<3, Jonni Khat
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
Hard Talks: Epigenetics, Unconscious Bias, Shame ... and, Healing Us
We had a micro "Hard Talk" in my home, today.
Anyone who knows (or has followed me) for long enough knows I am fiercely connected to my Armenian heritage and to teaching genocide awareness to just about anyone who will listen. I'm also Irish, Greek, French-Swiss, and a few other things along the way, but I have a special reason why my own experience with my family, my genetics, and ideological personality have directed me to align with my West Asian side. I also have friends from many ethnic cultures and diverse religious and personal beliefs who are family to me, and who have been family to my children - sometimes in ways our "biological" family were not, and my Husband (and our children) have African, Native American, and Iberian ancestry mixed in with their other bits. My family is literally about as mixed (up) as you can get.
As for my Armenian side, my Grandmother was born with the Armenian name of Haikanoush Najarian, but later changed her name to Helen Crowell. She and my great-Uncle were first abandoned by my great-Grandfather, Dikran (Richard) Najarian, and then abused by their step father, who (as confirmed by her half-sisters), felt embarrassed to have Armenian children in his household. She grew up with an externally instilled sense of self-loathing which she eventually acted upon by changing her name and attempting to erase all parts of herself that were brown.
To dig a little deeper into this damage she'd felt since childhood, we trace my great-Grandfather's life back to 1904 - only a decade before the actual Armenian Genocide date of April, 24, 1915 - when his parents and a few other family members are known to have boarded a ship from Ankara, Turkey (formerly a part of Armenia) to travel to Providence, RI, USA, where they settled. He later met and married my great-Grandmother and they had two children, Haikanoush and Dikran Jr, before (according to the family) disappearing to the Midwest where he formed a new family, became a successful Executive with Sony, and died - estranged from his former family.
Though my Grandmother was prevented by the second family from speaking to her father on his death bed in the 1980's (we presume for financial reasons - and a family question of whether or not the first marriage officially divorced or not), we know from my great-Aunties and Najarian cousins that that side of the family left Armenia around 1900 as the final pogroms of the Young Ottomans against the Armenians and Greeks began. The initial pogroms called for the identification and arrest of influential and wealthy Armenian men in various villages across Armenia, which eventually led to confiscation of houses and property, separation of families, martial law; and over the next decade a de-volution into forced death marches of women, children, and the elderly who were left behind. Those who were lucky enough to flee with the diaspora of emigrants into the Middle East, Europe, Asia, and the Americas, took with them the trauma and fear of people who were being exterminated by those who were intolerant of their religion and genetics. Quite a hefty pot of human emotion topped with some personal and never-resolved issues of family ish.
Though my Grandmother was prevented by the second family from speaking to her father on his death bed in the 1980's (we presume for financial reasons - and a family question of whether or not the first marriage officially divorced or not), we know from my great-Aunties and Najarian cousins that that side of the family left Armenia around 1900 as the final pogroms of the Young Ottomans against the Armenians and Greeks began. The initial pogroms called for the identification and arrest of influential and wealthy Armenian men in various villages across Armenia, which eventually led to confiscation of houses and property, separation of families, martial law; and over the next decade a de-volution into forced death marches of women, children, and the elderly who were left behind. Those who were lucky enough to flee with the diaspora of emigrants into the Middle East, Europe, Asia, and the Americas, took with them the trauma and fear of people who were being exterminated by those who were intolerant of their religion and genetics. Quite a hefty pot of human emotion topped with some personal and never-resolved issues of family ish.
So, what does this history have to do with the relatively modern family life of many "dysfunctional" American families? Well, in order to understand, we need to turn to a branch of genetic and neuro-scientific research called epigenetics. Coined in the 1940's by Conrad H. Waddington, a scientist who was studying a cross between developmental biology and genetics (1), epigenetics had a resurgence in the 1990's with work in genetic assimilation and how genes can transmit not only physical and neurological characteristics from generation to generation, but how they can also transmit things like trauma and psychological factors that effect people's lives. What this means in layman's terms is that we're discovering that our genes can carry not only eye and hair color, height and weight markers, and our individual taste for things like blue cheese, pomegranates, or kimchee... but can also trigger traumatic triggers from events in our anscestors lives that we never experienced first hand. Sort of like second hand (or third... or fourth) PTSD, we believe that we actually carry with us the /experiences/ of our genetic ancestors. So, even though my great-Grandfather and Grandma had these terrible things happen in their own experiences - the trauma is passed down along with our mutual family love for baklava and desert sunshine.
Now, flash-forward-back to our familial kitchen this afternoon. Our oldest daughter, who is 22, and a fresh University graduate, is home for the summer. She and her 16 year old brother were discussing the current issues in America with U.S. history, asylum, and current immigration laws. What is interesting to side-note is that I have been doing a lot of research and work in the Depression Epidemic facing our society (and, perhaps the world), and am most interested in the effects of our current treatment of children and families in the U.S. - both in education as well as health systems. So, their conversation was getting emotionally heated as my son was espousing support of "illegal aliens knowing what they were getting into when they came here with their kids", and my daughter's counter was "they have no access to the media and education we have in our privileged lives - and they are fleeing from violence in other places in the world".
That was where I jumped in (mind you, there was a lot more to the discussion - a lot of open ended questions, and a lot of listening and sharing - but this was my end summary). "Children, your own family fled genocide through diaspora they did NOT want, and were lucky enough they got out of Armenia and Turkey at a time that the U.S. was still fairly open to accepting immigrants. If they'd sought asylum into the 1930's and 40's, when many were being turned away and there was a sense of American Pride and Nationalism... that ended up not only denying Jews and other political and ethnic refugees from the beginning of World War II, but also influenced the Japanese Internment Camps, increased racial tensions that led to the Civil Rights Movements of the 1950s and 60s (which continues today), divided gender and sexual rights equity, and fizzled real Native American reparations... you might not be here, and you might be on the other side, looking in to the hope that comes with the idea of a Free Nation - and you'd likely be illegally doing it because we can't seem to reconcile what Free means, anymore."
Now, I love my son dearly - I love all my children with a fierceness that is primal and deeper than any DNA can ever show. However, he is a product of a society of privilege and unconscious bias. He is also a product of a generation who have inherited the results of sins of our fathers - but have also inherited the resilience and deeper empathy that is needed to change. Privilege and bias are tetchy subjects, but they exist - and they show themselves every time someone tries to apply their own life experiences of "everything is fine" ideology and "THEY are the reason we can't have nice things" memes. For my Generation X, they are a signature of what we were given and fought against with our angsty and revolutionary music, our argumentative attitudes with our extreme clothing and cultural icons, and our increasing irritation with older and younger generations who we blame for our inability to get ahead. They, however, are a Generation Z, who show less expressed bias towards colours, creeds, religion, sexuality, and other markers of our mixed heritage - but they are also a generation who have inherited a crap ton of psychological and physical problems and have a ton of inherited cultural unconscious biases they are not even aware of ... the worst of all: all of our SHAME. This is what I believe has created and fermented our desperate sense of depression and anger in our culture, but we need some hard talks to get through it.
Therefore, he is not wrong. Neither is my daughter, and neither am I... and neither is most of America. After the fact, I sat here writing in the semi-darkness of the kitchen the others left to go do their assorted things, and I really thought about how our talk went from a place of postures, real emotional history (our own, and that of our DNA), and political ideological rhetoric - to a place of learning and growth. Shame is a product of guilt and causes us to shut down and retaliate - but it can also be a place of healing if we become open to learning through the pain. Dr. Brene Brown, Author and Lecturer, discusses the concept of shame as something we can move into and grow from, rather than letting it overwhelm and destroy us. (Watch her 2012 TED Talk on Listening to Shame, here)
We can also learn from the process of understanding more about ourselves. DNA testing, talking to our living relatives, delving into our family stories, and truly listening to our friends and family can turn up amazing wonders we never knew about them - and, maybe, about ourselves. Learning more about mental illness and physical health, practicing cooking and eating foods from places not familiar to us, reading authors from other cultures than our own, and watching and listening to music and videos by people who are unique to our own point of view, can open our minds to perspectives we might be closed to. Being curious about the world around us and (for God's sake!) TRAVEL! Meet people you would never meet in your neighborhood, and have conversations that don't end in defensive posturing. Likely, you WILL be challenged. Likely, you WILL be uncomfortable. Likely, you WILL feel strong emotions... but, in the end, you WILL likely live. I believe, in this way, through having Hard Talks, we can make changes in how our society works and pass on a new set of epigenetic markers to our future generations.
We can also learn from the process of understanding more about ourselves. DNA testing, talking to our living relatives, delving into our family stories, and truly listening to our friends and family can turn up amazing wonders we never knew about them - and, maybe, about ourselves. Learning more about mental illness and physical health, practicing cooking and eating foods from places not familiar to us, reading authors from other cultures than our own, and watching and listening to music and videos by people who are unique to our own point of view, can open our minds to perspectives we might be closed to. Being curious about the world around us and (for God's sake!) TRAVEL! Meet people you would never meet in your neighborhood, and have conversations that don't end in defensive posturing. Likely, you WILL be challenged. Likely, you WILL be uncomfortable. Likely, you WILL feel strong emotions... but, in the end, you WILL likely live. I believe, in this way, through having Hard Talks, we can make changes in how our society works and pass on a new set of epigenetic markers to our future generations.
<3, Jonni Khat
Saturday, May 19, 2018
Facts about Mental Health and Schools
We have an epidemic of depression and anger in our Nation which is touching us all - and will continue to plague us until we finally fix both the education and mental health systems. I wanted to share some realities with you all that many of you might not know about how mental health is handled in our public schools.
Many School Counselors are not behavioral health practitioners - rather, they specialize in graduation reqs and post secondary prep. *When I was practicing Mental Health, I worked as an outside provider of suicide threat assessments, individual and family counseling, and with DCFS and Juvenile services as a liaison with the schools - but many families who needed our services the most could not afford them.
The numbers of students they are assigned in most public schools are staggering - and can be well over 100-200 students per - which means that even if they are comfortable (and practiced) with providing mental health counseling services to students, they would never be able to meet all the needs of each student (given that they are also generally given a million other tasks that are related, or un-related to their job). *Many Clinicians in private practice see a reasonable number of patients - as there are only a certain number of hours in a week, and true services can only be provided with enough time.
School Psychologists typically do testing, and if you are a school lucky enough to have a Social Worker, you will likely be sharing both of those certificated support staff with other school(s). *Some Psychs and LCSW's will also provide behavioral care, but - again - it's a numbers game.
School Counselors are traditionally paid like Teachers (and were paid/considered Admin by 3 of the former Districts I worked at), though in our current world of Ed which has dropped salary scales - and are now being paid on a different category scale (which seems to be less than Teachers with same post-grad/years of service). *Typical private practice Licensed Professional Counselors will make at LEAST $20K more, annually, than Teachers - with comparable education (Masters) and years experience. In fact, I was making almost triple what I am, now.
The POINT is, this is part of why we're seeing this epidemic of depression and anger among our youth (and, to be honest, it's not just them - our entire society is effected by this). School shootings and other violence is just going to get worse til we straighten out this mess of education and mental health.
If you want to learn more, or to help us educate people about our options for the future, drop me a message!
Sunday, April 22, 2018
Why I #RedforEd
I SWORE I would never go into education. My Mother was a Teacher, and though I respected the fact she'd been ahead of her time in terms of women's rights by being a single woman, with a Master's degree from Arizona State University (circa 1964), and travelling the world by working for the Department of Defense Schools (teaching military kids, overseas)... I still saw teaching as something only "people who can't do anything else" went into. I am still not sure how I resolved the respect I felt for Mom with this feeling of career disdain, but I went with the crowd in sentiment.
Then, I graduated from The University of Arizona with a B.A. in English Lit/Comp and a minor in Pre-Law. I'd taken some grad level law classes and loved Constitutional Law, but I went to work for a law firm in downtown Tucson for a semester, and realized that I didn't feel as connected to the profession as I once had. I was also pregnant with my first daughter, and so I made the first real adult decision of my life: I would go back and get my Post-Baccalaureate Teaching degree and become a Teacher.
I entered into the profession in 1998 and was working at a parochial school here in Arizona for the first two years of my career, which meant I was making somewhere around $20K, without benefits or retirement, but I was able to have my daughter with me on campus - so daycare cost made up a little. I was also able to make many of my first year teaching mistakes in a very closed and comfortable environment.
I moved to California for the first time, as an adult, in 2000 and was making $40K+ between coaching stipends and salary, full benefits, and retirement (and this was Clovis, central valley, so not even CLOSE to Silicon Valley or LA wages - closer to AZ in pay and COLA). I decided to leave in 2003 because I bottomed out the steps and needed my Masters. So, 2 kids and one on the way, we came back to AZ,
I dropped back in salary by a bit, but I was in grad school. In 2006, armed with a Masters in Psych, we moved to Missouri and teachers were making even less - $36K or so with a Masters and (by then) 8 years experience. I went into Mental Health, instead, and was making $64K base salary at the hospital, with 2 side jobs that pushed me upwards of $85-nearly 6 figs.
We moved back to CA in 2014 for my Husband's work (and to get back to the West Coast), and I was only long term subbing, and running my coaching business full time - but then I came back to teaching in AZ in 2016 and I am literally making $458 less a year now than I was my third year teaching in CA. I could go back to Mental Health and make more, and I could handily open my own school and reap charter bennies, but my heart tells me this is where I am supposed to be to help fight for our kids. Public education is important.
I grew up in the public education system. My first K-6 were in military run schools, but I attended Townsend Middle, University High School, and Sabino High School in Tucson, Arizona. I can honestly say that some of my /worst/ teacher experiences (which were minimal), happened while we were in active duty military status and in DODS (now DODea) schools. I had a 5th grade teacher who openly stated that girls were worse in math than boys and refused to allow the few of us who were capable of advanced math to work with the advanced boys (some of which were struggling with concepts we tutored them in). However, the majority of my education was well rounded, I felt cared for and listened to (mostly - I mean, we were teenagers), and even though I had some advantages of travel and experience through the military lifestyle that other kids didn't have - I believe that my positive experience should be paid forward.
My own children have grown up in the public education system, and I have found some of the most amazing colleagial friendships, and supportive community, among their ranks.
No child should have to wonder whether they are prepared for life when some families (even families in "rich" areas of town) are worried about food in the fridge, parents home from work when the kids are, or fighting to understand the world around them because they don't know history. Our children are our eventual history, and we need to arm them with the logic, ethics, and emotional intelligence they will need to be amazing care-takers for the Earth - and for each other.
I support #RedforEd, not so much for the Teachers (and Classified staff - both of which groups I am obviously in solidarity with), but for our children.
<3, Jonni
P.S. Here is the list of the #RedfoEd demands:
Then, I graduated from The University of Arizona with a B.A. in English Lit/Comp and a minor in Pre-Law. I'd taken some grad level law classes and loved Constitutional Law, but I went to work for a law firm in downtown Tucson for a semester, and realized that I didn't feel as connected to the profession as I once had. I was also pregnant with my first daughter, and so I made the first real adult decision of my life: I would go back and get my Post-Baccalaureate Teaching degree and become a Teacher.
I entered into the profession in 1998 and was working at a parochial school here in Arizona for the first two years of my career, which meant I was making somewhere around $20K, without benefits or retirement, but I was able to have my daughter with me on campus - so daycare cost made up a little. I was also able to make many of my first year teaching mistakes in a very closed and comfortable environment.
I moved to California for the first time, as an adult, in 2000 and was making $40K+ between coaching stipends and salary, full benefits, and retirement (and this was Clovis, central valley, so not even CLOSE to Silicon Valley or LA wages - closer to AZ in pay and COLA). I decided to leave in 2003 because I bottomed out the steps and needed my Masters. So, 2 kids and one on the way, we came back to AZ,
I dropped back in salary by a bit, but I was in grad school. In 2006, armed with a Masters in Psych, we moved to Missouri and teachers were making even less - $36K or so with a Masters and (by then) 8 years experience. I went into Mental Health, instead, and was making $64K base salary at the hospital, with 2 side jobs that pushed me upwards of $85-nearly 6 figs.
We moved back to CA in 2014 for my Husband's work (and to get back to the West Coast), and I was only long term subbing, and running my coaching business full time - but then I came back to teaching in AZ in 2016 and I am literally making $458 less a year now than I was my third year teaching in CA. I could go back to Mental Health and make more, and I could handily open my own school and reap charter bennies, but my heart tells me this is where I am supposed to be to help fight for our kids. Public education is important.
I grew up in the public education system. My first K-6 were in military run schools, but I attended Townsend Middle, University High School, and Sabino High School in Tucson, Arizona. I can honestly say that some of my /worst/ teacher experiences (which were minimal), happened while we were in active duty military status and in DODS (now DODea) schools. I had a 5th grade teacher who openly stated that girls were worse in math than boys and refused to allow the few of us who were capable of advanced math to work with the advanced boys (some of which were struggling with concepts we tutored them in). However, the majority of my education was well rounded, I felt cared for and listened to (mostly - I mean, we were teenagers), and even though I had some advantages of travel and experience through the military lifestyle that other kids didn't have - I believe that my positive experience should be paid forward.
My own children have grown up in the public education system, and I have found some of the most amazing colleagial friendships, and supportive community, among their ranks.
No child should have to wonder whether they are prepared for life when some families (even families in "rich" areas of town) are worried about food in the fridge, parents home from work when the kids are, or fighting to understand the world around them because they don't know history. Our children are our eventual history, and we need to arm them with the logic, ethics, and emotional intelligence they will need to be amazing care-takers for the Earth - and for each other.
I support #RedforEd, not so much for the Teachers (and Classified staff - both of which groups I am obviously in solidarity with), but for our children.
<3, Jonni
P.S. Here is the list of the #RedfoEd demands:
1. A 20 percent salary increase to help attract and retain quality educators for public school students;
2. Restore education funding to pre-recession, 2008 levels; the state currently spends $924 less per student than it did in 2008;
3. Competitive pay for education support professionals who are important in the lives of students and the day-to-day operations of all public schools;
4. A permanent salary structure with annual raises; and
5. No more corporate tax cuts until per-pupil spending reaches the national average.
2. Restore education funding to pre-recession, 2008 levels; the state currently spends $924 less per student than it did in 2008;
3. Competitive pay for education support professionals who are important in the lives of students and the day-to-day operations of all public schools;
4. A permanent salary structure with annual raises; and
5. No more corporate tax cuts until per-pupil spending reaches the national average.
Wednesday, March 28, 2018
Everything You (N)Ever Wanted to Know About COMFORT ZONES!!!!! Teachers, Nitrogen Cereal, Patch Decks, and You
So, this week has been a bit weird. Not only is #RedforEd a thing, but we're on Spring Break, so I got a bit of time off to just do whatever I wanted/needed to do.... though, for a Teacher, it means that I get to do a ton of stuff I don't get to do on normal school weeks. In other words, I get to grade papers, answer work email, lesson plan, and do things that I should be paid and have time to do when I am at work... but get to use my time off to do, instead. That, along with the time I need for the start up business I am running, and taking family time (and the all important personal rest time.. which means going to the dentist and doctor and taking the kids to random things THEY need me to take them to).
Literally, this amounts to little actual personal time. Yet, I managed to spend a bit of time at the #mall with my #teeanagers eating #nitrogencereal (video here): Jonni eating nitrogen cereal - I know - this is seminal and needs it's own Academy Award category.
This week has been weird because those of you following me know that I am in the process of building a start up company that will... I hope... eventually change the face of education and mental health.... But, I finally got to visit a place called the Center for Entrepreneurial Innovation, and meet with a current mentor of mine. I won't name her yet because I haven't asked her for permission, but I am sure you all will learn about her in good time.
Anyway, I drove down to one of the sketchiest industrial parts of Phoenix to meet with her and her crew of innovative pirates, and learned a ton about advisory committees, building a solid start up team, and inviting people with different domain experience than yours into your sphere of knowledge. She and I also chatted for a while and she taught me new lingo that sort of startled me. For all the pride I have in my knowledge of running a business and doing the minutiae of the things I have learned as an Entrepreneur for the past 6 years... I had never once heard of a Pitch Deck.
The reason I am writing this blog entry today is NOT to teach you about pitch decks. In fact, I have homework tomorrow and can't really talk to you about what they are yet, though I have a general idea. What I wanted to share with you all is the reality of feeling like you know you know what you are talking about, and you know what you are doing with your life, and then being confronted with something that rocks you out of your comfort zone.
Yet, that wasn't what rocked me hard. It was the invite to do an interview with a journalist. Not just any journalist, but a journalist who has his own Wiki page (Jerry White) because he ran for President in 1996... and works for a lesser known publication - who happen to be Socialists. As a child of the 80s and 90s, and a military Brat, I have become skeptical of political parties and aligning myself with anything. In fact, I call myself non-partisan and will go out of my way not to align myself in ANY way with any known political party or agenda out there. Most of my conversation with him was about my personal feelings about -isms and how the world is, today... still, I told him my thoughts. He told me his. We agreed.
Imagine that! Being able to be "out" of my comfort zone talking to someone, and yet I was directly IN agreement with much of what we were both saying. In the end, it's all about creating relationships. More on that, tomorrow. For tonight, I encourage you to go have an honest talk with someone you might not otherwise talk to because you are scared of the label they own... and see what comes out of it. You might just learn something... and might even make a new friend you only agree with some of the time. Sort of like all the other friends you already have. :)
Love, Jonni
Literally, this amounts to little actual personal time. Yet, I managed to spend a bit of time at the #mall with my #teeanagers eating #nitrogencereal (video here): Jonni eating nitrogen cereal - I know - this is seminal and needs it's own Academy Award category.
This week has been weird because those of you following me know that I am in the process of building a start up company that will... I hope... eventually change the face of education and mental health.... But, I finally got to visit a place called the Center for Entrepreneurial Innovation, and meet with a current mentor of mine. I won't name her yet because I haven't asked her for permission, but I am sure you all will learn about her in good time.
Anyway, I drove down to one of the sketchiest industrial parts of Phoenix to meet with her and her crew of innovative pirates, and learned a ton about advisory committees, building a solid start up team, and inviting people with different domain experience than yours into your sphere of knowledge. She and I also chatted for a while and she taught me new lingo that sort of startled me. For all the pride I have in my knowledge of running a business and doing the minutiae of the things I have learned as an Entrepreneur for the past 6 years... I had never once heard of a Pitch Deck.
The reason I am writing this blog entry today is NOT to teach you about pitch decks. In fact, I have homework tomorrow and can't really talk to you about what they are yet, though I have a general idea. What I wanted to share with you all is the reality of feeling like you know you know what you are talking about, and you know what you are doing with your life, and then being confronted with something that rocks you out of your comfort zone.
Yet, that wasn't what rocked me hard. It was the invite to do an interview with a journalist. Not just any journalist, but a journalist who has his own Wiki page (Jerry White) because he ran for President in 1996... and works for a lesser known publication - who happen to be Socialists. As a child of the 80s and 90s, and a military Brat, I have become skeptical of political parties and aligning myself with anything. In fact, I call myself non-partisan and will go out of my way not to align myself in ANY way with any known political party or agenda out there. Most of my conversation with him was about my personal feelings about -isms and how the world is, today... still, I told him my thoughts. He told me his. We agreed.
Imagine that! Being able to be "out" of my comfort zone talking to someone, and yet I was directly IN agreement with much of what we were both saying. In the end, it's all about creating relationships. More on that, tomorrow. For tonight, I encourage you to go have an honest talk with someone you might not otherwise talk to because you are scared of the label they own... and see what comes out of it. You might just learn something... and might even make a new friend you only agree with some of the time. Sort of like all the other friends you already have. :)
Love, Jonni
Monday, January 1, 2018
Brain Body Connection: A Case Study on Practical Mind-Body Coaching
While working as a
Clinical Supervisor for the evening Intensive Outpatient Program for
Centerpointe Hospital in St. Louis, Mo, we served a predominantly high
functioning group of men and women with a variety of dual diagnosis - many of
whom would report self medicating with a range of legal and illegal substances,
for what they believed were their underlying issues of depression and anxiety.
While technical clinical diagnosis of their presenting problems, as an Acute
Therapist II, was limited to the DSM-IVTR/DSM-V classifications for both
medical and billing purposes, client reporting of their own perceptions of
their physical and mental status, and external psycho-social factors, was
always an important part in providing a personalized treatment plan. Perhaps,
in some cases, more important than the technical diagnostics.
Human beings, while we
all share many of the same physical and systemic characteristics, are not
simply a collection of standardized terms and codes. Though none of us can
escape certain processes, such as the Law of Thermodynamics, or how our
physical systems interact on a cellular level, our minds and bodies are not
simple products of these traits. Even on a systemic and cellular level,
internal and external factors do not only affect how the systems work, but
modern research into trauma and perception (including imagination), has been
shown to not only change our psychological makeup - but the physiological as
well.
Modern science has
supported the idea of brain-body connection for well over a century, as stated
in the journal article, Gut feelings: the emerging biology of gut–brain
communication by Emeran A. Mayer, “A major scientific breakthrough in
understanding the interaction of the nervous system with the digestive system
occurred with the discovery of the so-called enteric nervous system (ENS) in
the middle of the nineteenth century1–4 (BOX 1). Even though it is now
considered the third branch of the autonomic nervous system, the ENS has been
referred to as the ‘second brain’, based on its size, complexity and similarity
— in neurotransmitters and signalling molecules — with the brain5.” (NATURE
REVIEWS: NEUROSCIENCE, VOL. 12, AUGUST 2011, p. 453). However, this work has
subsequently been expanded to show that the bidirectional nature of the
communication between the gut and the brain, specifically through the ENS and
the autonomic nervous system, and parts of the brain which regulate emotion,
social relationships, and the ancient limbic brain (which regulates distress
reaction, sex drive, and hunger/satiety), is not only rooted in the bottom-up
affective movement of hormones from the gut to the brain, but is also moderated
by the top-down effective communication of our brain to our gut. This means
that not only does our gastro-intestinal health contribute to our overall
health, but so to does the physical and mental health of the brain.
When working with
clients, either as a Clinical Therapist, or as a Physical Health Coach, it is
therefore important to address not only the physical health of the body, but to
take into consideration all levels of psycho-social and behavioral beliefs and
habits that our clients present with. This means a full profile “snapshot” of
the clients’ past and present will provide a deeper insight into the creation
of a personalized program that will better fit that client’s specific needs and
“buy in” to commit to the program. While it is important to note that Clinical
Therapists can provide diagnosis along with a treatment plan to specifically
identify and work through underlying behavioral and emotional problems,
Physical Health Coaches will still benefit from this information as it will
allow them to better serve each client with a general understanding of how to
create a bespoke program for each. It can also help the Coach determine whether
or not to refer a client to a Clinician for specialized behavioral health work
that will enhance the client’s ability to reach their goals.
(NOTE: The following case study is fictitious and for the purposes of this training.)
In the case of our
current study, our client presents with possible past trauma and current
behavioral and psychological patterns. This 50-year-old executive level
professional male states that he has suffered a “sensitive stomach” for years,
and that he recalls vomiting when his parents fought, or when he would ride in
a car, when he was a child. He also states, “I’m still a worrier”, and reports
that his current job is highly stressful. His physical symptoms are alternately
diarrhea, constipation, heartburn, indigestion, and stomach bloating. His GP
has ruled out serious pathology and diagnosed with IBS. He reports that he does
not want to be on medication for the rest of his life and has a concern that,
“I hear some of those drugs give you heart attacks”. Current behavioral
patterns are irregular eating habits, such as skipped meals, late work nights,
and a low priority to eat when he is working. Sxs are worse on weekdays, and
later in the day.
As this client’s
self-perception of the presenting problem seems to be rooted in his idea that
he has always “been a worrier”, I would want to ask more questions about his
career choice and to help him identify why he places such a high priority on
his work, and to assess whether or not he might need some work with a Clinical
Therapist to address deeper psychological issues such as childhood trauma or
self image. He mentioned that he felt his wife “might divorce him” due to his
bloating and gas, but I also wonder the nature of their relationship, so I
might either ask him for further insight on his support systems, or invite him
to bring her in for a session so I can observe their interactions and assess
whether or not they might need a referral for either individual or couples
counseling to help enhance the overall process of change. However, there are
still many factors here that a Physical Health Coach could easily use to help
this client reach his goal of diminishing bowel irritation and feeling better,
physically.
I would also explore
more about his specific goals so that we can work on a plan of action that is a
joint effort. This client’s current job as an executive, and his dismissal of
the Doctor’s diagnosis, “My doc says IBS; I say BS”, shows that he is both used
to managing others and is uncertain of his own beliefs about the cause and
effect of his current symptoms. However, his fear of taking drugs that might
cause significant side effects, while valid, and the fact the has come for
nutrition help, also shows that despite his lack of total acceptance of his
problem he is open to asking for and accepting help. Sharing research with him
on the current research on IBS and gut-brain duality, as well as inviting him
to help problem solve out the factors that he is in control of that might be
worsening (or even causing) his symptoms could help him feel as though he does
not have to “lose control” in order to accept the help he desires.
One specific action
would be to use the Able, Willing, Ready assessment in order to prioritize and
process through some of the external factors and choices he has made in terms
of his career, as well as his level of commitment to learn to re-prioritize
food thoughts. His statement that he doesn’t “always have time to grab
something healthy… or something at all” and the fact that his Sxs are worse on
work days tells me that he might have a black and white concept of foods either
being healthy or not, and that he only abstractly connects his nutrition (or
lack, thereof) with his symptoms. Jumping directly into behavior changes might
not be effective if these his underlying thoughts are in opposition to change.
While we want to eventually introduce and practice Somatic behaviors such as
slow eating, and body awareness, the client might not be compliant with the
changes if his thinking is not aligned with the behaviors.
Another consideration
would be learning his client learning type and having him complete a behavior
log for at least 3 days, which we would use to talk through his insights in the
following session. As we’ve already established he is a professional executive,
it’s likely that he is higher in logical and social intelligences, and his lack
of insight into his eating and sleep hygiene and causation of his stomach
distress shows he is likely very low in kinesthetic and natural learning
styles. Having him work through the logical process of writing down food,
sleep, symptoms, and stress will hopefully help him see the correlation between
his habits and his discomfort. Again, bringing him onboard as a participant and
not an passive learner will cater to his personality, as well as giving him the
power to learn to make the long term sustainable changes he needs to heal.
As we can see, helping
clients understand and connect their internal systems, as well as historic and
present external behaviors and psychosocial beliefs and experiences, enhances the
client-centered coaching process by bringing the client into the planning and
execution of change.
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